Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A successful exorcism, the death of Mickey

Long ago lovely Rita, herper honey extraordinaire, left her happy home in Hogtown to follow her fortune to the frozen wastes of Colorado, there to live free and breathe the cold high air. For too many years she was gone, leaving her paramours lonely and heartbroken. At long last she decided to return to Florida to visit her friends and family.

She toured her old haunts, and as one might well imagine was horrified by the changes wrought. Oftentimes a traveler will pick up a bug, perhaps at an airport or wherever people might gather. Still, it seemed strange that after passing through Orlando she began to feel a strange gnawing feeling deep within her skull. Perhaps it was just existential angst brought on by urban sprawl? Surely a trip to Weazelworld and a nip of Bombay Sapphire gin would fix the problem?

As she approached Weazelworld she began to hear a squeaky voice inside her head saying, "No Rita, No! Stay here in Orlando and take out a variable rate mortgage, have a cappuccino and forget about Colorado. Whatever you do don't go to Weazelworld. I am Mickey, and you must do as I say!" It all seemed a dream, yet she could not help but imagine that a mouse was nibbling at her brain.

By the time she got to Weazelworld it was clear that she was possessed by demons, so we quickly mixed a drink and began the sacred rites necessary to purge her of the evil spirit that had somehow entered her body. The Vatican recently announced a shortage of exorcists so we had to make do as best we could.

She moaned about a mouse, so Brother Paul applied the snakes.

As you can see he is attempting to draw the mouse forth from her head while chanting, "Out Mickey, out!"

The exorcism went on for hours and required repeated libations of the aforementioned "holy water".

Meanwhile Rita swallowed snake after snake.

Suddenly the agonizing pressure within her skull was released and she felt a blessed sense of relief! The mouse had chewed its way out to escape the snakes!

Still, Mickey would not be gone until the Powers of the Night had come to destroy him. So it came to pass!

Warrior Goddesses never flinch. (This is an actual unretouched photo!)

Now Mickey is no more and Rita is free of the curse!

She looks forward to her destiny!

Mark my words, the "recovery" will never come to Orlando and there will never be another Disneyworld, for Mickey is finally dead!

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  1. Is this possible?
    Could you be the same Sleazeweazel that I had heard so much about while worshipping at the house of Hammer?
    All hail Sleazeweasel for the the excorcism of Mickey!

  2. Yea it is true, the Weazel worships at the House of Hammer too, but who are you?

    Herr Hammer is on the shitlist for having passed within beer drinking distance of Weazelworld without having stopped. He promises to make amends, but being something of a homebody cannot be trusted. Just out of spite I plan to take his good friend Cressler on a fine canoe trip to the Gulf this Saturday!

    How did it come to pass that you found out about the exorcism? By word of mouth? Web search? Necromancy? Congratulations! You are the very first person from the outer darkness to post a comment on my new blog!

  3. i am a christian and old sluefoot and his little cohorts are nothing but a nuisance. to deliver someone or "clean out a house." is so very simple. all you have to do is call on the name of Jesus thats it. there is no other, and if you are born again it works. you dont need to give the enemy any ammunition. when you pray or lay hands always say in the name of Jesus, for everything is subject under his feet. and it will be done. i know i have done it myself many times and it didnt take no hours days or months, right then and there. Jesus didnt say "i was" he said "i am" get it?